Tuesday, May 15, 2012

It Can't Rain All The Time

Things have been really tough for me work-wise lately, truth be told. Only a few people know the whole story - people like my mom, the husband and my good friend, A. My other friends might know snippets of it but they really have no idea. Worse, others might have conjured up wild theories about what I'm going through based on measly tweets and spur-of-the-moment Facebook rants. Seriously, what you read doesn't really paint a complete picture, believe me. It's funny how those who know so little have so much to say. (I'm okay if people speculate about what's going on because that's part of human nature, I guess, but some can be just so malicious when they do it, it's maddening!)

All I can say is it's insulting to be bypassed and overlooked. It hurts because you know you're capable and efficient albeit wanting in terms of concrete direction and inspiring leadership. It's a real test of humility, that's for sure. I've been snappy and a little mean-spirited to some of those I work with, to say the least. I'm not proud of it because it's really just a coping mechanism for all the things that have been dished my way as of late. I've asked myself a lot of questions because soul-searching is inevitably part and parcel of going through a miserable funk.

Do I deserve this?
What should I have done?
How did it get to this?
Is it still worth it?
Should I just walk away?

I don't have the answers up to now, sad to say. One thing's for sure, I'm going to soldier on. I love this job and I believe that when you love something, you don't pick only the parts that are pleasant.

The world may be unfair, but it likes balance, so here's to hoping things will be so much better soon.

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