Thursday, March 14, 2013

Get Real

"Do not, I stress, do not mourn 
the friendship you never valued." 

Believe me when I say that I am composing this blog entry with a smile on my face and with no other aspiration nor agenda but to say my (peaceful) piece. I have promised that this blog will be devoid of any ill feelings and negativity, and I have every intention to keep it that way.

Let me start by saying that I think it's been obvious that I removed people I used to be friends with from my life, and consequently, from my social networking sites' friends' lists. I did this quietly. My relationship with them - albeit short - merited that respect. I didn't make a big fuss about it. To make a big deal about unfriending/blocking them reeks of arrogance, and I may be a lot of things, but I'm not pompous and self-righteous. I also know there would be people who would be caught in the middle, and I didn't want them to take sides. It's not fun to be caught in the crossfires; I know the feeling. More importantly, I'm just not the type to rally mutual friends to my cause to paint these other people as the bad guys. To me, it's enough that they - our mutual friends - know what I went through and that they understand why I had to leave these friendships that I feel are no longer good for me.

Moreover, when I leave friendships, I sever the ties cleanly. I am a firm believer of how people that we meet always have roles in our lives. And when a relationship sours, or when circumstances reveal that their convictions and values do not align with mine, I respectfully let go and take comfort in the fact that this person's role in my life has been fulfilled.

That's why I do not understand when these same people say that they're sad/regretful/mournful/-insert negative feeling here- that they have lost my friendship. Well, in the first place, when we were still friends, I was a true friend. I was giving, I was honest, I opened up, I was encouraging, I was there for them. I just don't know if that was how they were to me, as well, because only they can say so. Our conscience is our guide, and I'm not here to pass judgement. Looking back, I have drawn conclusions on what kinds of 'friends' they were to me, but I don't want to really dwell on my thoughts nor elaborate.

To be brutally honest, I know I had my faults too, however, the events that led to the demise of these relationships, to me, spoke loudly of how these people who used to be my friends put power and their personal gains ahead. I think it's easy and just plain convenient to say that Kiss was bitter, that I felt slighted, that my massive ego got in the way, that Kiss was just indubitably defiant, yadda, yadda. Whatever. I'm not here to defend myself. Most importantly, I'm not here to feign innocence and claim faultlessness. I don't like playing the victim.

I can present one million and one pieces of evidence that I was bullied and alienated. It's unnecessary for me to go into the details because, like I said, I'm not here to convince you of, well, anything. BUT here's what I did and didn't do, just to give you an idea.

I questioned decisions, not authority.
I challenged unfair arrangements; I didn't dispute hierarchy.
I followed protocol and raised valid issues using proper channels. I didn't wreak havoc by throwing SOP out the window.
Most importantly, I still did my job well, even if the cliquish and partisan ways of these so-called "friends" screamed inefficiency and ineffectiveness.
I didn't change. I didn't withhold information. I wasn't deliberately unfair.

As a person, I'm very introspective and self-aware. After deliberation and reflection, I know when to label something as a lost cause. And that's what I did. I knew there was nothing to save. How could there be? I had to walk away.

“Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit. 'Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.”

I'm looking forward and living life without any regrets.
I hope they do the same.

photo from

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  1. You got yourself a new follower. You were my trainer 2 years ago. I was late on the first day. :)