Sunday, July 29, 2012

Uhm, No, I Don't Think So...

I know that footwear trends come and go. I am aware that what may be considered passe and outdated today may someday be resurrected as a coveted shoe closet addition. I'm no fashion expert but I know I'm not a bad dresser. My friends come to me for style advice and my love for dressing up is known. I get compliments on the ensembles I put together, and I've been known to trying anything at least once. I have a decent shoe collection and I'm a great believer that you can never be well-dressed with bad shoes. There are, however, some things, style-wise, that I wouldn't touch even with a ten-foot pole.

1. thick-soled/platform flip flops

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Flip flops are supposed to be comfortable and if you're going to be tottering around on them, what's the point? They're unflattering, just plain vicious. There are even brands out there that promise you'll get a workout while walking around in them. Whatever. Not my cup of tea, thanks.

2. (certain types of) wedges

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I've never had any problems wearing heels. Mine are three inches and up. I wore heels during my entire pregnancy seven years ago and I still wear them five or six days out of a week. It probably wasn't the most responsible thing to do - the heel-wearing thing whilst pregnant -, but I did feel good about myself and the way I looked. That was important. I mean, pregnant women shouldn't feel awful about themselves, right?Anyway, wedges, in my opinion, are wannabe heels. And I hate impostors. 

There ARE cute wedges out there, though. Don't get me wrong. Case in point: 

Louis Vuitton's Tuileries Sandal in Silk

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Isn't that darling? I'd wear that - if I can afford it - with tailored white shorts and the classic Ralph Lauren black pique shirt with the pink pony. Remember that? It came out when I was in college and it was released to support breast cancer research. I'd also throw in a patterned scarf for good measure and to complete the look.

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3. Crocs

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I heard they're extremely comfortable and that kids love them. They were first made so people could wear them on boats. Ordinary shoes apparently would ruin and scratch the beautiful wood the floors of these boats were made of. If you don't own a yacht and chances are you don't have one, don't wear these unless you're under ten years old or your name is Mario Batali or Steve Irwin (God bless his soul). 

4. lucite heels

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There's a reason why they're called stripper shoes. They're trashy and just plain horrific. They look like something Madam Auring would wear.

6. Birkenstocks with socks

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As if Birkenstocks aren't bad enough. I wouldn't wear Birkenstocks myself. They're just not me. There are people who wear them and they look okay. They're usually the tree-hugging, VW Beetle-driving, long skirt-wearing vegetarian free spirits who listen to Bjork. *rolls eyes* Fine. Whatever. However, there are those who wear them with socks. Uhm, why? WHY???

7. kitten heels

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Maybe it's because they do nothing to give your legs the illusion of great length. Maybe it's because they give women cankles. Maybe it's the wussy woman's way of wearing heels. It's like, "I want to wear heels but nothing too high, y'know?" Simple. Just wear flats and don't half-ass it.

8. heel-less shoes

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These look like hooves. They're just plain ridic. Repeat after me: "I am not Victoria Beckham. I am not a Harajuku girl. I am not Lady Gaga."

9. Uggs

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I live in a tropical country but work in an office where the temperature is sometimes 19 degrees Celsius. I wear boots. In fact, I've been wearing them to work for a long time. I understand that boots keep us warm. Uggs do that, they say, but please, look at them. They're hideous. They're shapeless and I'm sure there are better alternatives out there.

10. slides

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I won't lie. I've worn them. I've owned a pair or two. Mine were in a solid color, though. I remember I had lavender ones. They weren't that bad. Okay, I've worn slides before. It was before I knew better.

If you wear any of the shoes above, let me tell you that you're better of going barefoot.

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