Everyone's a Critic

"I don't begrudge you of your choices. 

Why do you judge me for mine?"

On living with my in-laws for the first five years of our marriage:
First of all, we were invited by my in-laws to live there. We didn't tell them, "Hey, when we get married, we will live with you, okay?" We said we would rent, get a tiny apartment. His parents found the idea incredulous. Why???, they asked. We have a room to spare, we will help care for Kaelana, yadda yadda. So we agreed and said yes.

We lived with my parents the first six months after I gave birth. My mom helped me care for Kaelana. I didn't want to leave but I felt I had to, because Cyrus wanted to please his parents and I didn't want him to choose, so off we went. Needless to say, it wasn't the best idea. My good friends (and previous blog's stalkers) know the rest of this unpleasant tale. To make this long and unsavory story short, I've forgiven, but I haven't forgotten. So let's just say that whatever reconciliation, in whatever form, happens, it will happen in accordance to OUR terms. Not theirs.

Aaand, just to set the record straight, I never really had problems with the hosts. I only had major issues with the blood-sucking parasites. #figureitout #riddle

Why then did it take us five long, harrowing years before we moved out? Why did we wait that long?
Well, Cyrus and I pledged to each other that if we leave, we leave for good and never come back. We're such proud people, I guess. You can say we did suck it up while waiting, although I'm sure *they* will not agree. I maintain we did so, anyway. We promised that when the time came for us to truly try and make it on our own, we will not come crawling back. I'm glad to report it's been two years and we are very happy to have a little nest to call our own, with ownership papers to prove it.

On buying our own house:
Both the husband and I have been asked, Why don't you rent? Isn't it more practical to do so? Why buy a house that is so far? You can rent a house nearer to work.

Cyrus and I grew up in homes lovingly built through the blood, sweat and tears of our parents. Actually, Cyrus and his family rented when he was smaller, and so did my my family (although I have no recollection of it because I was too young; I only saw photos of me in a garden that wasn't our garden). However, for the most part, our memories have been in the homes our parents owned.

Like I mentioned, we initially wanted to rent, but those plans got scrapped. When we were living with his parents, and when things started to go awry, I brought up renting to him again. We did go on several excursions to look for places to rent, but upon looking at these rooms and apartments, these thoughts crossed our minds and hit us like a ton of bricks: We would be furnishing a place that will never be ours. We would be shelling out hard earned cash for something we will never legally own.

And that didn't sound pragmatic to us. It's akin to sprucing up a rented car.

Also, why did we choose a house that's so far?
Distance is relative. I grew up in a home in Mandaue City and my high school was in Cebu City. People thought that was far ten years ago but now, I don't think they still think that's extreme. Yes, Lapu-Lapu City, where we currently reside, is far. Far from the office, from Kaelana's school and uhm, from Ayala Center. But it's near the airport, it's near the beach, it's near uhm, the Gaisano Grand Mall. Haha! So, yes, distance is relative, and we have a car, anyway, so we get by. We need to get up earlier in the morning, we need to leave an hour earlier to catch the last full shows at Ayala Center's cinemas, and we had to get used to penciling in longer travel hours for appointments in Cebu City. These are things that we have come to embrace as part of living where we live.

Moreover, we chose to live here because we could afford it. We didn't want to buy (through Pag-IBIG) a house we couldn't afford just because it's nearer to the city central. We didn't want to be in over our heads.

The home we live in now is just the right size for us, is in a good neighborhood, is five minutes away from a hospital and allows our Kaelana to ride her bike to her little heart's content. We are very happy.

On being wife, mom and career woman in one:
Let me start by saying it's not easy. My family comes first, yes, but I also like the fulfillment that comes from growing my career, thriving in the cutthroat corporate jungle and most importantly, doing something I'm actually good at and getting paid for it. I shouldn't be punished for attempting to do a lot, for wearing different hats. So long as I know what my priorities are, I think I'm doing okay. I want my child to grow up with a multi-hyphenated supermom. I like how THE Daphne Oseña Paez puts it: I'm there for you, but I'm also doing other things - and you can do it, too." My Kaelana knows I will drop everything and anything for her. No questions asked.

More than ever, I am grateful for the work I do, now that Kaelana's a school girl. She's out of the house for most of the day, so if I were to stay at home, what am I supposed to do?

I know that someday I will quit the corporate world and I will retire the opaque stockings and four-inch office pumps. For now, I enjoy my multi-hyphenated title : Kiss Tañedo, wife-mother-corporate-trainer-instructional-designer.

Lastly,
On choosing NOT to judge the choices others make even if I don't agree with them:
People around me make choices I know I wouldn't make, but I don't and will never condemn them for it. I also do not extol my choices and say that they're better than yours. We live different lives and what may work for you, will not work for me. What also works for me will not work for you.

So go ahead, breastfeed your child until he is seven, home school him until he is in high school, feed him only organic stuff, don't let him believe in Santa Claus, whathaveyou.

So long as the choices we make are informed ones - and not just ones we make to rock the boat or go against the norm for the sake of doing so because you're hipster or a know-it-all like dut or you wanna impress people - then they are the RIGHT choices. Be happy.

photo from weheartit.com

Sinulog 2013

I'm gonna be honest. We're not big on Sinulog. The Husband also isn't, just like my family. My mom, though, gets into the whole nine days of novena before the feast day of the Holy Child (Sto. Niño), and is pretty devout in her faith, in general. I've been living in Cebu all my life, and I've only seen the Sinulog fluvial procession once. I remember only seeing bits and pieces of it because it was crowded, and I was a six-year-old perched on my dad's shoulders. I've also been to the actual street procession/parade less than five times in all my life, and to add to that, three years ago, I almost got hit and run over by a jeepney that had lost its brakes. (Remind me to tell you that story next time, okay?)

I don't hate Sinulog. I know I don't because I still get pretty excited about it every year. When you're Cebuano, I think there's that feeling of pride and pleasure that goes with having your city play host to something so deeply traditional and beautifully cultural. Let's admit it: Sinulog is a religious, cultural, social and touristy mix tape. Millions flock to my city for this event. Most are devotees and pilgrims. The rest are tourists, celebrities, travelers, photographers, artists, journalists, or just curious cats. The streets of my beloved city are so full, and the atmosphere is joyously carefree and religiously frantic.

Sinulog 2006

I even took the little girl to Sinulog five years ago.

So what makes me skip joining in the Sinulog festivities 90% of the time? Well, for one, I get claustrophic when the mardi gras throngs become this thick. That means, people step on your feet, you get shoved and squeezed, you can get lost and yes, you will get dirty. I also feel that we, Cebuanos, should come up with ways to make our annual celebration more environment-friendly. Honestly, can you imagine the massive garbage problem our city faces in the wake of the Sinulog? Lastly, the Sinulog should be a collaborative effort to make things better for everyone involved. This means, cab drivers not taking advantage of people, police providing better security and such. The Sinulog is a beautiful feast and the way we celebrate it should reflect that.

Pit Senyor, everyone!

Basic Bling

Jewelry... Ah, my love for you knows no bounds.

I do not come from a wealthy family but I grew up admiring them. What I love most about jewelry is that you can use them to punctuate your life's most significant events. I love how jewelry makes your memories sparkle (no pun intended) more vividly: graduation earrings, engagement ring, thank-you-for-giving-birth-to-our-daughter pendant, wedding ring, anniversary necklace, congratulations-for-passing-the-bar-exam bracelet, 50th birthday brooch, confirmation pearls. You get the drift.

I've compiled four - yes, just a short list - jewelry pieces every woman must own.

1. a classic timepiece, or two

photo from bigapplewatch.com

photo from mlwatches.com

I love a good watch. I cannot live without one. Right now, with my left wrist in a splint, I haven't worn one in almost three weeks. Okay, so I can live without wearing one, but it's been hard.

A classic watch is something you can dress up or down. Meaning, you can wear it to the mall in a white shirt and denim cutoffs or to a wedding. There are so many styles to choose from. I'm partial to ones that are large-faced and are styled like mens watches. I've long graduated from watches that look like dainty womens bracelets with the small faces. Find your own style. Finding one is like finding your soul mate.

with The Husband and chef Tessa (at my friend, Paula's wedding)

I'm wearing my rectangle-faced Fossil watch, a gift from Cyrus for passing the teachers' board in 2008.

Look how it doubles as a cuff.

Here's a close-up.

photo from usaboutique.blogspot.com

2. diamond studs or pearl studs

photo from katemiddletonstyle.org

photo from jewelsleader.com

Oh yes. They're worth the investment. Aaand you can bequeath them to your daughter or daughter-in-law someday. Look at the Duchess of Cambridge and the impeccable Olivia Palermo. Pearl or diamond studs make you look grown-up in a very charming, refined and polished way.

If you can't afford real ones for now, it's okay to wear faux. My rule is, if they're fake diamonds, the smaller the better. Huge fake diamonds will look like costume jewelry and that's tacky, like you're trying to fool people. For fake pearls, the larger they are, the better. They pop out more. Plus, go ahead and experiment with different colored pearls - there are wine-colored pearls and gray ones. 

I wore diamond studs during my church wedding in 2009, while my pink roses had 'pearls'.

3. hoop earrings

photo from rnbjewellery.net

photo from bizou.com

Hoop earrings are fancy, whimsical, decadent, and fun statement pieces. They can be thin, thick, large, small, bejeweled, plated, studded, whathaveyou. I like the ones which are a combination of different metals best.

my sister wearing my diamond studded hoops as my maid-of-honor

4. a cuff or bangle

photo from homeshop18.com

photo from thefind.com

I love how bangles and cuffs are structured unlike ordinary bracelets. The thing with bracelets is that, while a lot of them are very pretty, they can look very high school-ish, especially with the wrong style. And they clink! The dangling, charmed ones - oh yes, they do. In my opinion, real jewelry should be seen, not heard. That's why, I think cuffs and bangles are more mature - they don't make a sound - , and they look extra nice with formal and corporate wear. The ones above are great examples.

I wore an eternity bangle at my wedding, but I like layering playful, inexpensive ones as much as the next girl. Obvs, these ones are faux. Yes, have fun with the fake ones.

looking pallid in a parking lot after work

5-year-old suede boots: Methilation | skinny jeans: Penshoppe | white v-necked tee: Folded & Hung | bag: black Longchamp Le Pliage | black cocktail ring: The Outpost bazaar find | work ID: my office harhar

#likeafashionblogger #ornot

The bangles are gifts from my friends. The silver ones are from Hazel when she went to NYC and the gold ones are from Ethne from India.

5. I know I said four but here's a bonus: a "Me" ring

photo from 100layercake.com

photo from mstetson.com

Every woman should sport a piece of finger candy that speaks volumes of who she is. Preferably, it should be something she has bought with her own money, bequeathed to her by a family member or acquired through achieving something. So no engagement and wedding rings or promise rings - whatever presented to you by a lover or gifted to you by someone who's not a family member - they're not counted. It can be a ring with your birthstone in a nice setting, your class ring, a cocktail ring or just something you bought with your own money, simply because you fell in love with it. And yes, it can be faux.

I have yet to find mine.

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There you have it: your list of basic bling. I can't wait to see you shine, ladies!

Fashionipulation

My friend, Graeco, told me about this book he was reading titled, Death by Powerpoint, and he mentioned the term 'fashionipulation'. I realized I really liked the coined phrase, and it got me thinking of just how crucial one's fashion is in terms of how one is viewed at work. The other day, I saw someone in a sleeveless and see-through floral top, thong sandals and the tiniest, tightest skirt I've seen in office hallways lately.

I work in an American business process outsourcing company and we do have a dress code. Does everyone follow it? Clearly not. Will that woman wearing the loud floral blouse and the hoochie skirt be viewed as competent? Nope. Does she look like she can be promoted - like she can be a good leader? No. Was her look professional? Not even close.

It's not that difficult to dress appropriately for work, girls. When you work in a corporate office, it's important to dress the part. The people I supervise at work tell me, "Oh Kiss, it's easy for you to say that because you have plenty of clothes and a lot of shoes", but I always tell them that I started out with only a few. I advise them that a wardrobe isn't built overnight. Besides, your wardrobe need not be extensive. Nor expensive. You can start with a few basic pieces that can take you farther than you expect. You always have to start somewhere, right?

I've put together a short compilation of key pieces to kick start your assembly of a good corporate attire arsenal:

1. crisp button-down shirts in dark, solid colors

When I graduated from university, I started applying for a job. My mom first took me shopping and we bought just four dress shirts for me in varying colors: black, white, navy blue and pink. Okay, I know I said 'dark colors' but I couldn't resist the pastel hue. They were inexpensive and were on sale at Kamiseta.

Crisp button-downs are classic, can be paired with anything and very versatile. They instantly make you look polished and presentable. You can buy the long-sleeved variety, the short-sleeved, the mid-length ones (y'know, the ones that end just below your elbow) and there are even cap-sleeved ones. (I would stay away from the sleeveless ones because, on their own, they don't really look as sharp as they would if paired with a blazer, but we'll get to blazers in just a bit) As your wardrobe expands, you can go ahead and buy ones in pinstripes and other great colors.

photo from mydochub.com

2. pencil skirts 

My mom bought me two when I first started working: a black one and an ash gray one. They were also on sale at Ensembles. 

photo from wkdesigner.wordpress.com

Make sure to choose something that fits well. Mine were maybe half an inch to an inch loose in the waist because I wanted to be able to tuck my dress shirts in without creasing them too much.

photo from ustrendy.com

3. tailored slacks/office pants

If you don't really like skirts, then slacks are for you. I like mine very slightly flared at the bottom. My friend, Arvy, looks good in tapered, straight-cut pairs. Our friend, Nicole, used to wear the skinny ones that ended at the ankles. Just get ones that suit your style and body. You can buy fabric that you like then have a tailor custom make a pair for you. Or you can buy off the rack and have it altered if the fit isn't right.

photo from coldwatercreek.com

4. corporate one-piece dresses

These are what I've been wearing for the past six or seven years at work. (People I work with, when was the last time you saw me wear pants?) I really cannot be bothered that much to think about mixing and matching tops and bottoms anymore so I've resorted to dresses. I have trench dresses, knit dresses and shifts. It's good to start with something that doesn't have loud prints, in a conservative cut and something that you can accessorize with a belt or a scarf or a jacket.

photo from all4women.co.za

I wear printed and colored dresses but I make sure they're not distracting, too frilly-looking and they fit well. I guess it's all right to wear something sleeveless, but nothing skimpy nor revealing, okay? The one below is a great example.

photo from workchic.com

5. a good blazer

Think of a good blazer as a Band-Aid. Throw one on an outfit that may not necessarily be classified as corporate and see how it instantly transforms the look. Really, girls, a good blazer rights a lot of wrongs. Obviously, start with a black one. It's a good investment.

photo from travelingfashionista.com

What's great about blazers is that you can wear them outside of work. I usually wear mine with shorts and heels. You can try other colors too, if you want, as you go along. Here's me in my pink Ensembles blazer which I paired with Topshop pinstriped high-waist shorts, a Mango lace cami, gray studded gladiator Charles and Keith flats and my sister's Accessorize pearl, multiple-strand necklace.

photo taken by The Husband

See? Don't be afraid to buy a blazer because you can wear it outside of the office too. It's value for your money.

6. sensible shoes

Office pumps and corporate heels, I'm afraid, are simply things you shouldn't scrimp on. You can never be well-dressed with bad shoes, ladies. Again, start with a black pair. You can't go wrong.

photo from intheircloset.com

Choose something well-made, with a good heel height, with a classic design and shape and nothing with too many bells and whistles. The one above is a good example.

Remember when Janylin's pointy stilletoes were all the rage? I had those in, I think, six colors. Yep, I used to overdo things. I gave them away or sold them and all that remains now is a black one with a purple snakeskin accent. It's classic but with an edgy twist. I still wear them until today. I love them. 

I also wear boots to work and before anyone in the training team wore them, I wore them first. Let me just make that clear and my friends, Arvy, Graeco and Nicole can attest to that. The others just followed. I also wore them with my Mango turtlenecks and slouchy Topshop sweaters and I wore them over my dark skinny jeans on Dress Down Fridays.

7. opaque tights

Dark stockings are a godsend. It was also me and my friends who wore them first. Our office can get really cold and these helped keep us warm. We train in front of a class of twenty and I don't think goose pimples on our legs were a pleasant sight, hence the tights. They make you look thinner, too. Plus, when you feel that your skirt length is more than two inches above your knees - the prescribed length -, then stockings are your friend because they keep you from showing too much skin and you can pass off your look as professional. And for the love of God and all things good, ditch the fishnets and those that come in colors.

photos from stylevitalevd.blogspot.com

8. a good bag 

You can get a tote, a boxy bag or a messenger bag. It's up to you. Just make sure the material is sturdy and the design is classic. I use a Longchamp Le Pliage for work but I switch it up with this boxy tote I bought from Rustan's U. The one below is from Mango and it's in a beautiful office-appropriate color.

photo from fashionandbeauty.cafeversatil.com

9. the extras to put the power in power dressing

- a good watch

photo from polyvore.com

- pearl or diamond studs

If they're real, then good. If your pearls are those that cost Php 50 a pair, then go big to let them pop. They won't have the beautiful luster of real pearls so draw classy attention to your face with their size, instead. As for diamond studs, it's better if they're real, of course, but you can go for cubic zirconia pieces, too. You can also wear silver, gold, white gold or rose gold studs in classic designs. My friends, Arvy and Aziel, wear beautiful, understated jewelry to work.

photo from plusshe.com

- a good scarf

A silk one would be nice. Or get a pashmina. Something cream or red or in a great subdued pattern would be awesome. You can wear this to wrap around your shoulders when it gets chilly or as a belt. Style it in such a way that you won't look like your grandma. I mean no offense, of course, but I hope you get what I mean.

photo from vibrantcollection.com

Well, there you have it. I guess I'll end this entry by telling you a story about how one of my mentors talked about corporate dressing. She said that investing in these pieces won't come cheap but they don't have come with hefty price tags either. Be practical, and if you see something you know that will become a great addition to your wardrobe, then go for it. After all, she said, "You have to spend money to make money."

See you in the boardroom, ladies.