Phenomenal

I believe that I am at a point in my life where I just want to really slow down, keep a low profile and live peacefully. I don't think I just woke up one day with this realization. Instead, I know that I took purposeful and deliberate steps to get to where I am now. Getting our own little home, tightening my circle of friends, being more introspective, letting go of the negative... I made sure I was creating a life away from toxic competition, away from things that waste precious time, away from circumstances and situations that did not make me grow and most importantly, away from things I know, if I'm lying on my death bed, aren't really important.

Sure, a fancier job title, a larger paycheck, a place in the spotlight, a better figure, a nicer pair of shoes, are awesome, but at what expense? Lesser time with my adorable and precocious daughter? Superficial 'friendships'? A strained marriage? Stretched finances? No, I'll pass.

Now don't think I've lost my drive, my zest for excellence, my exuberance, my sense of adventure, my excitement for the unknown. I didn't settle. I just decided to start, oh around two to three years ago, to re-calibrate my life, to find out what truly mattered to me.

I got sick late last year. I had a wound that got badly infected which required surgery. I had to stay in the hospital for a week. I had to be medicated with really strong antibiotics. Then, last December, while on vacation in beautiful Boracay, I broke my wrist. I had to wear a wrist splint. It was uncomfortable and extremely painful. Just putting on my undergarments required maximum effort. I had to ask The Husband for help, as if I were a toddler. I was miserable. But in the midst of all the bad stuff, I found out who my real friends were, and I discovered who truly cared. It hit me: life was really short and what a shame if I were to waste it on things and people that were fleeting and shallow.

My wants have indeed changed. My goals and priorities are different now.

I want more stamps on our passports.
I want a masters degree.
I want a career in the academe.
I want more time with my family - my husband, our daughter and her upcoming sibling, my parents, my brothers, my sister and our relatives.
I want more time with my friends.
I want to read more, laugh more, eat more, dream more.
I want to make our home more beautiful.
Heck, I even want to blog more.
Also, don't laugh.
I want to make a difference.

I also want more ice cream. Ice cream rights a lot of wrongs, y'know.

Happy Friday, loves.

photo from weheartit.com

Rollercoaster

I'm sorry for being MIA these past few weeks. Things have been pretty hectic lately, to say the least. For one, we found out we're expecting Baby Number Two. We couldn't be more excited. As of this writing, I am entering my second trimester. You see, I have three siblings who mean the world to me, and it just seems off to not give Kaelana at least one best friend who share her flesh and blood. In my 30 years of existence, I have never felt alone because I know I will always have my brothers and my sister. To be truthful and candid, I was more than happy to settle with just one child but it seems God has more adventures and love and blessings in store for us.

I grew up attending reunions for both of my parents' sides and it just seems happier and livelier with more members. We're stopping at two kids, though, because that's really all we could handle. Kaelana and this little one will have a seven-year age gap - just like me and my sister. Also, we were really toying with the idea of conceiving our last child before I turned 31. Now that idea is a reality and I'm due to give birth in November.

So how am I REALLY doing? Well, if my blog title is any indication, I've had my ups and downs. My pregnancy's first trimester was plagued with really bad episodes of nausea, gastritis and even cardiac arrhythmia. My cardiologist had me go through tests, and everything came out okay, but my heart rate is slower and my blood pressure is lower than usual. I've been religiously taking my prenatal vitamins, drinking my milk, trying to get a lot of sleep and watching what I eat. My family, most especially The Husband, has been really supportive and every day, I pray for a safe, healthy and easy pregnancy and delivery.

The next few months will be awesome. I can feel it. There's nowhere to look but up.

Get Real

"Do not, I stress, do not mourn 

the friendship you never valued." 

Believe me when I say that I am composing this blog entry with a smile on my face and with no other aspiration nor agenda but to say my (peaceful) piece. I have promised that this blog will be devoid of any ill feelings and negativity, and I have every intention to keep it that way.

Let me start by saying that I think it's been obvious that I removed people I used to be friends with from my life, and consequently, from my social networking sites' friends' lists. I did this quietly. My relationship with them - albeit short - merited that respect. I didn't make a big fuss about it. To make a big deal about unfriending/blocking them reeks of arrogance, and I may be a lot of things, but I'm not pompous and self-righteous. I also know there would be people who would be caught in the middle, and I didn't want them to take sides. It's not fun to be caught in the crossfires; I know the feeling. More importantly, I'm just not the type to rally mutual friends to my cause to paint these other people as the bad guys. To me, it's enough that they - our mutual friends - know what I went through and that they understand why I had to leave these friendships that I feel are no longer good for me.

Moreover, when I leave friendships, I sever the ties cleanly. I am a firm believer of how people that we meet always have roles in our lives. And when a relationship sours, or when circumstances reveal that their convictions and values do not align with mine, I respectfully let go and take comfort in the fact that this person's role in my life has been fulfilled.

That's why I do not understand when these same people say that they're sad/regretful/mournful/-insert negative feeling here- that they have lost my friendship. Well, in the first place, when we were still friends, I was a true friend. I was giving, I was honest, I opened up, I was encouraging, I was there for them. I just don't know if that was how they were to me, as well, because only they can say so. Our conscience is our guide, and I'm not here to pass judgement. Looking back, I have drawn conclusions on what kinds of 'friends' they were to me, but I don't want to really dwell on my thoughts nor elaborate.

To be brutally honest, I know I had my faults too, however, the events that led to the demise of these relationships, to me, spoke loudly of how these people who used to be my friends put power and their personal gains ahead. I think it's easy and just plain convenient to say that Kiss was bitter, that I felt slighted, that my massive ego got in the way, that Kiss was just indubitably defiant, yadda, yadda. Whatever. I'm not here to defend myself. Most importantly, I'm not here to feign innocence and claim faultlessness. I don't like playing the victim.

I can present one million and one pieces of evidence that I was bullied and alienated. It's unnecessary for me to go into the details because, like I said, I'm not here to convince you of, well, anything. BUT here's what I did and didn't do, just to give you an idea.

I questioned decisions, not authority.
I challenged unfair arrangements; I didn't dispute hierarchy.
I followed protocol and raised valid issues using proper channels. I didn't wreak havoc by throwing SOP out the window.
Most importantly, I still did my job well, even if the cliquish and partisan ways of these so-called "friends" screamed inefficiency and ineffectiveness.
I didn't change. I didn't withhold information. I wasn't deliberately unfair.

As a person, I'm very introspective and self-aware. After deliberation and reflection, I know when to label something as a lost cause. And that's what I did. I knew there was nothing to save. How could there be? I had to walk away.

“Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit. 'Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.”

I'm looking forward and living life without any regrets.
I hope they do the same.

photo from weheartit.com

So Far...

I may have rung in the new year with a fractured wrist, but that didn't stop me from holding my head high, praying fervently that all will turn out positively, and taking each day as it comes. I'm happy to realize that 2013 has been treating me well thus far.

Even my friends tell me I look happier. I'm not one to put my own self on a pedestal of righteousness and positiveness but most definitely, my thoughts are kinder now, my words gentler, and my demeanor, more pleasant.

I'm not saying that things are 100 % perfect for me. I am not the zen master. I still get frazzled over my work deliverables, I worry about how the little girl feels the pressure to be absolutely faultless with the things going on in school (I don't want to talk about it, really. I know this is something my daughter can overcome with our guidance and with God's grace but in a nutshell, she's being hard on herself because I swear to the heavens, she has such a type A personality, and she really has her plate full in school) and I have my share of the occasional estrogen-filled dramas perfect for daytime soap.

BUT... I always remind myself to take a deep breath - or ten deep breaths - and a step back.

I think that it helps immensely to immerse yourself in nothing but good vibes. It helps to believe in the infinite supply of wonderful and amazing things out there that are yours IF YOU CLAIM THEM.

It looks like 2013's water snake took a chill pill, and know what? I'm glad it did.

Mobilize

I'm on my second work week for 2013. Things are still pretty relaxed, for now, but I'm sure they'll pick up pace soon enough. I'm pumped up to work, truth be told, having come from such a meaningfully packed holiday vacation. Not only was I able to spend quality time with my loved ones but I had more time to read, to reflect, to just be.

I got into a Flyfish raft mishap while on vacation in Boracay so my left wrist is in a splint. I became a bit melodramatic when I had to see my orthopedic doctors for my fracture. I went all woe-is-me weepy to The Husband and I was like, "I'm back to the doctors... So early into the new year." The Husband then gently consoled me, "Hey, it's going to be okay. You're going to get your splint, go to your physical therapy sessions and you'll be fine." Then he added with a mischievous grin, "We had fun, though, right? And that's what's important. Nothing's lost."

That shut my emo self up. It's true. In life, we get bruised and jarred along the way, but we push on. We keep on living. This 2013, that's exactly what I plan to do with gusto - to live fully, to choose happiness and to keep moving forward.

photo from weheartit.com

Holidays in the Tropics

First of all, happy new year, folks! 2012 was tough for me, for the most part, what with my frail health, my bouts of self-doubt and with the ties I've had to sever completely and permanently. I survived it with the love and support of my family, mainly The Husband, and my true friends. I prayed so hard in 2012. I prayed that I will do what's right. I'm not being holier than thou because I'm not faultless. However, I knew I had to listen to what my heart and mind were telling me - to not compromise my values, to never take advantage of others, no matter what. I made hard decisions last year but they proved to be the right ones because I can sleep well at night with a peaceful conscience and the knowledge that my daughter will be proud of me for doing what I did. I am still and will always be grateful for the things I've experienced and gone through last year. Of course, I patiently waited for the holidays because I knew that they would be the perfect way to cap off such a fulfilling year.

My family's fun December holiday getaway was six kinds of wonderful. We spent part of it in my parents' hometown, Iloilo, and in beautiful, breathtaking Boracay. I'll let the photos do some of the talking.

the little girl at Plazuela de Iloilo, which is beside SM City Iloilo, 

where we bought her shades for use in Boracay and some pasalubong

hoarded goodies from an Iloilo food institution, Biscocho Haus

This is their SM City Iloilo kiosk.

Speaking of food, here's The Husband and I about to eat a dish that's synonymous to Iloilo.

And that's...

batchoy!!! 

This was at Deco's Lapaz Batchoy.

Yum.

Then, it was time to go to Boracay. The whole clan wasn't complete but the turnout was pretty good this year. This is our second time to hold our reunion in Boracay. Caticlan, in Aklan, the jump-off point for Boracay, is a six-hour drive from Iloilo. Our family hired a coaster and a van to get there.

That's me and The Husband with my brother, my sister-in-law, my sister and our cousin, 

in the coaster, before the rest of the family came on.

Typhoon Quinta sadly ravaged some parts of Panay Island days before we left so we had to take a less familiar course to Caticlan. It proved to be the more scenic route. I mean, look at that!

somewhere in Antique, where we stopped for lunch

Finally, we arrived in paradise. It was my second time there with The Husband and the little girl's third.

a sight for sore eyes

The sun was so bright, the water so clear and comfortably warm, and the breeze was cool. We were blessed with awesome weather the whole three days and two nights we were there.

some of our family - The Husband and I not included - in beautiful Boracay

Spot Kaelana in her pink bathing suit with Disney Princesses on it!

photo taken by my cousin, Erik

Beachcomber Boracay laid out a feast for our reunion dinner the first night we were there.

Of course, lechon was present. And these...

And this:

There were card games, catching up, dessert that I wasn't able to take photos of, and laughter and smiles that we WERE able to take pictures of.

me with my cousins and aunt

me with my sister and our cousins

Then The Husband whisked me away for a romantic stroll down the beach. I love our quiet, introspective conversations together. I married the most awesome man ever. 

The scenery ran the gamut from frenzied and cheery ...

fire dancers

Christmas carolers in tropical colors

to serene and quiet.

intimate dinners in soft lights

me walking barefoot on the sand

The Husband was mesmerized by the crafts made by local artists. We wanted some stuff for our home but couldn't decide which ones to get. We ended up not buying any. That way, there's reason for us to go back.

Meanwhile, I admired the accessories. 

The next day, we swam, 

we played in the sand with Kaelana, 

went on a jetski ride,

photo by my cousin, Erik

shopped for souvenirs, explored, had massages, and ate some more. The Husband, my cousins and I also went on a banana boat ride.

photos by my cousin, Erik

Then we had this crazy idea to go on a Flyfish ride...

Here's me, my sister, The Husband, and our cousin nervously giggling.

which does this...

This wasn't us. This was my brother and our cousins.

photo by my cousin, Erik

You get it, I hope. CRAZYYYYY, I tell you. In-effin'-sane in a I-will-never-do-that-again way.

It resulted to this:

My left wrist got injured. It's black and blue right now, but thankfully, not broken nor sprained. Uhm, I think. I haven't gone to a doctor yet, but I will tomorrow, I promise. Heh.

photo by my cousin, Erik

Anyhoo, we survived! It was a truly unforgettable and fun vacay. One that we truly needed.

Happy New Year from us! It's back to work tomorrow but it's all good, because I'll be dreaming of this.

2013, I'm ready for you.

Christmas 2012 Shenanigans

I'm sorry, my dear readers - yes, all six of you (there were only four of you before but, yes, you are slowly but surely growing, so yay!) - that I haven't been updating that much lately. I've been catching up on sleep, on friends and on family, among other things, and not necessarily in that order.

I finished my Christmas shopping early, just to get that out of the way. I bought my godchildren their presents, and wrapped them myself. I get a real kick out of being all Martha Stewart this time of year. However, unlike Martha Stewart, I can't bake to save my life so I just ordered a dozen boxes of homemade chocolate chip cookies from my friend. This was part of my pledge to support, small local entrepreneurs. I then gave these out to colleagues - mostly The Husband's - and to friends, and neighbors. I didn't put bows on these. I just put leftover holiday postcards. My mother had more moolah to spare and wanted the stuff she gave out to be fancier, so she ordered ten boxes of cupcakes from The Cupcake Theory. The stuff there aren't exorbitantly priced but they are really special. Mom said the recipients were more than happy. (Of course, nothing but the best from my friend, Arvy, who owns and bakes for The Cupcake Theory)

There were no lavish purchases this year. We just bought stuff we needed to be replaced. We bought an LED 32-inch TV, yes, but only because our old one is well, old. We'll place that in the little girl's room as the new TV is in the living room. We'll have it mounted on the wall only after the holidays as things are still in a state of (happy) chaos.

The last working day of 2012 for me was on the 21st, and I had Christmas dinner with two of my favorite girls - Alveel and Raen. We just really click because we have so much stuff in common. For one, we're all moms and we all became moms in our twenties. I love these girls to bits and we can really just talk - in two languages - and giggle the time away. There is no dull moment. We had a buffet dinner at the new Quest Hotel's Puso Restaurant. I swear, we ate so much. Then we gave each other gifts. We capped the night off with tea at La Marea.

It's a 'me' sammich! Flanked by Raen on the left and a pregnant Alveel on the right in Puso Restaurant

photo grabbed from Raen's Facebook

Then it was my sister's 23rd birthday lunch. We went to Kotobukiya. I also had Christmas lunch with my good friends, Arvy and Graeco, at La Tegola Cucina Italia. The Husband tagged along. We had a blast catching up and exchanging presents. 

The Circle of Trust: Graeco, Arvy and me at La Tegola Cucina Italia

photo grabbed from Graeco's Facebook

I also took the little girl to see Santa Claus at Rustan's on the last day of school before her Christmas break. We waited for an hour or so because we were early, so I ended up shopping for her and her dad, even if I wasn't planning on buying anything. Oh well, it's okay. Kaelana was thrilled to be able to see Santa. I thought it was perfect because her present from 'Santa' had Rustan's gift wrapping. It would make sense for her to see the jolly bearded man there. Here she is in her school uniform. Santa looked at her and saw how skinny she was and asked, Have you been eatin'? My daughter just nodded and climbed onto his lap. Then Santa said, Oh, you're heavy. 

Ooops.

Without me really knowing it, Christmas Eve rolled around. For noche buena, we had three cheese spaghetti with mushroom, and Alveel's bakareta and mango icebox cake. My little family just relished being together. We watched movies, we laughed, we read in bed, we told stories. My little heart is happy and content. 

Christmas Day was simple and meaningful. I woke up early with Kaelana to open her present from Santa. I had to actually wake up earlier to eat some of the cookies and drink the milk she laid out for him the night before. I also ate some of the candies for the reindeer. Of course, she assumed that Santa and his hooved friends devoured the goodies, and not me.

The Husband is off to his last work shift of 2012, and we'll both be back to the office in 2013 yet. We're leaving for Iloilo tomorrow afternoon so tonight and tomorrow morning will be spent packing. My entire family is there right now at my maternal grandparents' ancestral home. The whole clan is going to Boracay for our annual reunion, and it's going to be loads of fun.

I'll try to blog, tweet and update you while I'm there... NOT. 

Let's spend the holidays focusing on our loved ones, shall we? The internetzzz can wait. Merry Christmas! Happy birthday, Jesus!

I am grateful. My cup runneth over. 

Fabrication

I had breakfast with one of my good friends, Belle, today, and as usual, we talked about a lot of things. I'm not going to enumerate them here but most definitely, I have realized one very important thing: that people, when they don't understand something but are desperate to appear 'in the know', because they thrive on intrigue and drama, will tell lies and put forth their own twisted versions of the story.

It's sad.

Oh, well.